I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
