I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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