your thong is hanging out like whoa
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
