My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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