I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just gift wrapped bread.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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