I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I need moral support for this bender
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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