Need sex. Gaining weight.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
