I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
