my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
