Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
