Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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