Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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