he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
