just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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