i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
