Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just found a bag of teeth...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
