her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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