Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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