I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
