I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
