okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
