Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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