I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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