Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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