so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
