just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
