well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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