Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
