i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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