I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
