im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
