I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We have so much sex to catch up on
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
