a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
