Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
