cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
one might say we're banned from that church
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
