Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
