I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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