Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
