fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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