you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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