Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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