my soul wont recognize me after tonight
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
