how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I wanna passion pit in your ass
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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