His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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