Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
