Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Farmville is her only friend.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
50% drunk capacity currently
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
