Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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