he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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