that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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