You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
