I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
i've created a new STD.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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