I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
