one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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