Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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