I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
