All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
