I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I am full of burrito and curiosity
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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