there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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