Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
