All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
